Rethinking New Year’s Goals and Resolutions

It’s almost the end of December, and that usually gets folks thinking about New Year’s resolutions. Why is that? I grew a little curious and decided to check out the history of this tradition to see how long it’s been around. According to the History Channel, New Year’s resolutions date back to the ancient Babylonians! The Romans picked up the tradition after that, and it apparently has been passed on until modern times. There’s your random fact for the day. So, it seems there’s something about us as humans that really likes the idea of making changes in the new year. We all seem to want to start the new year with a fresh start, especially after the stress and indulgence of the holiday season. The thing is, most folks will tell you that when they make resolutions, they rarely stick with them (apparently 25% keep them for 30 days and only 8% actually accomplish them).

The problem with New Year’s resolutions is clearly not making them but keeping them. Some folks will say the issue is that you’re making resolutions instead of setting goals. As you may recall, I am a big believer in setting goals and encouraged folks to consider getting a goal-setting planner in this post. But, I’m here to tell you that even setting goals may be a wasted effort if you do not first do two important things to create a solid foundation for following through on what you want to accomplish this year. In my prior post on goal-setting, I highlighted 5 action items you should take before starting a goal-setting planner. However, before tackling those actions, you need to dig deep and figure out what is behind your reason to make these changes. And, you have to let go of some things to make room for the goals you’ve made.

First: Don’t ask “What” but “Why?”

Most people who think about resolutions or goals go straight to the “What” of the matter: what they want to be, change, or achieve. The What can take many forms. For many people it is weight loss. For others, they want to find love. Some wish to change their careers or find new jobs or start a “side hustle.” When we make this laundry list of what we want to have, be, or do, we may be setting ourselves up for failed resolutions. And the reason for that is that we have not determined the “Why” behind our What.

The Why is very simply your intention. You know you want to achieve something, but unless you uncover your intention behind it, you may be going about reaching your goal the wrong way. So, after making your list of Whats, review each one and ask yourself, very simply, “Why?” Uncover your intention behind the resolution or goal. For example if you wish to lose weight, determine why that is your goal- is it because you have no energy or because you cannot fit into your clothes? Or, is it something deeper, like low self-esteem? Until you uncover your intention in losing weight, you might not be doing it for the right reason. So, if self-esteem is the issue, it’s possible that even if you do reach your goal weight, you might still have the same problem- low self-esteem but in a smaller dress size. Unless you see the connection between your intention and your goal, you may be setting yourself up for failure.

So, how do you uncover your intentions? The reasons underlying your desire to do something can sometimes be hard to unpack. To really get to the root of your desire to achieve something, you have to be brutally honest with yourself. That means asking yourself hard questions about why a particular goal might be important to you, and not just how your achieving it may appear to others. There are also books and resources that you can find online or at a book seller. Below are two of my favorites:

One of my favorite books that inspires me to think about the why behind my goals is Oprah’s The Path Made Clear (#Ad):

Another great goal-setting book is Rachel Hollis’s Girl Stop Apologizing: (#Ad)

Until you get to the heart of why you want to reach a goal, you may not be as committed to achieving it. On the other hand, when you understand the intention behind your resolution, that may give you the motivation and determination to see it through. So, if your reason for losing weight is because you feel run-down and unhealthy, the desire to have more energy and be able to do more may keep you committed to a new workout routine or healthy eating plan. Using an intentional goal setting planner is a great way to start on this journey, as the questions in the prep work will help you understand the reasoning behind your wishes.

Second: Just Say No

After you think about the intention behind what you want, you should next consider what you don’t want. In other words, you need to figure out what your limits are when it comes to goal setting so that you don’t become so overwhelmed with new things to do that you just give up on them in a few weeks.

Your desire to do something always has a give and take to it. We each only have 24 hours in each day to get things done. Part of why we give up on our New Year’s resolutions is that we simply don’t create the time and space for the habits that will bring about our making those resolutions a reality. Think of the weight loss example. You want to lose weight but you have a full schedule and are trying to cram another obligation into your day. Without enough time set aside for exercise, it will probably fall by the wayside when you are stressed or busy. One missed workout leads to another, and then another, until you have given up on working out. One of the best aspects of the PowerSheets planner, and most goal setting planners, is that you are encouraged to look back and see what has not work for you in the past.

Since we cannot do it all, let alone have it all, learning to let go of things is a cruicial part of making space for us to grow and progress. In fact, saying No to things that have not been helpful recently, or for a while, may be the only resolution or goal you need to set this year. The way to prune or declutter things in your life is similar to figuring out the Why behind your What. Use a goal setting planner, or just ask yourself the following questions with each thing that you choose to do or engage with:

• Does it bring me joy to do this or be a part of this?
• Is this something that my loved ones need me to do?
• Does this help to provide financially for myself and my family?
• Is this activity taking more from me than I am receiving from it?
• Does this person, persons, or organization build me up or tear me down?

You need to prioritize what is important in your life and fit your goals and resolutions within those priorities. Deciding what is not important to or beneficial for you is just as significant as figuring out what is important to you. After you have decided on what matters and what no longer holds meaning for you, give yourself permission to let go of those things that steal your joy or are draining. And remember, what may have worked for you in the distant past, may not be working for where you are right now. It is important to honor the season of life that you are in and work on those aspects of yourself that need to be tended at this moment. When you do that, you will make room for the things that you know will move your life in a positive direction.

Have you determined the why behind the what when it comes to your new goals? What can you say no to? Leave a comment with ideas that can help others.

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