Pushing Past Fear and Trying Things That Speak to You

It’s Feburary, which means for folks who did their goal-planning (or New Year’s Resolutions) in January, it’s a good time to check in and make sure that you’re still on track. Although New Year’s goal planning can sometimes be intimidating (as I discussed previously here), it can also bring a rush of excitement! If you think about it carefully, you will find yourself digging deep into what motivates you, what your strengths are, and what your dreams are as well. Those dreams likely resonate with your hopes for the future, perhaps even some bucket list items. But, other goals can be a bit scary as they may involve trying something new.

Some reasons why we give up or never get started on that new thing a part of us wants to try

I think we go into goal planning with the best of intentions, but for many of us, we sometimes don’t see the goal through. The same goes for trying something new. Why is that? I think there can be any number of reasons, but these seem to be the most common:

• Fear– This has to be the number one reason that holds us back from doing anything in life we thought we might try. We fear so many things when it comes to trying something new like looking foolish if we fail, having our work rejected, or knowing that we couldn’t achieve the thing we wanted. Worse still, for many it’s the the pressure that comes with success that they fear the most.
• Waste– Another reason is the concern that if we spend time or resources on this thing we’d like to try (which has no guarantees of success), we might be wasting our opportunity to do something else, money, or other resources that it takes to try this new endeavor.
• Growing Pains– Basically, with every new task, there is effort, and that effort can sometimes be unpleasant. What if the thing you want to do takes a lot of practice? What if you’re sore from a workout the next day or get injured? What if you need to learning computer coding or something else that’s outside of your comfort zone? Everything worth doing is going to be effortful and sometimes frustrating.

Much like eating your vegetables, trying something new is just plain good for you!

Trying new things is not about filling your schedule with needless activities to prove that you can do more than you were doing before. Instead, trying something new should fulfill a need or interest in your life. And, it truly is good to try new things. Even learning to do a small new task will help to spark your creativity and keep your mind sharp. A 2015 study from Harvard School of Medicine confirmed that engaging in any sort of new activity helps your brain in many ways including growing new brain cells and promoting better mental health through socialization. Moreover, regardless of whether you succeed at something new or learn to master it like a professional, the act of trying, if done with a positive outlook, can help you gain confidence as you are sure to improve in whatever the new field is that you’re trying. So, even if you wind up unable to complete an Iron Man triathlon, just starting to train your body to run, swim and bike will make you stronger. Same goes for any endeavor, be it starting a small business or engaging in a new hobby you’ve always wanted to try.

Figuring out what new things you can try

As with goal setting, deciding whether you want to try something new is a personal process. Sometimes we are in seasons of our lives where adding a new habit or activity seems unmanageable. So, the first thing you need to figure out is whether you feel like you have time. Keep in mind, though, that a new task doesn’t have to further some professional goal. If you are in a stressful season of life, trying a new stress-relieving activity can be a way to get through the days or weeks with something to look forward to! Here are some tips for identifying some new thing to try:

• Be a lifelong learner. Read, listen to podcasts, scroll through your Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest feeds. What images or messages resonate with that curious part of yourself? What do you find yourself seeking more of or hitting the “like” button on? Whatever speaks to you as you listen and learn may be something you could try yourself.
• What already brings you joy? If you love music, perhaps you might learn to play an instrument. If you enjoy art, perhaps trying your hand at painting, photography or some other artistic activity will help? If you love to read, maybe you could try writing short stories or poetry? Use your current interests as a springboard into new activities.
• What are your goals? Check to see if there are things that you can do differently to reach your goals. For example, if your goal is to learn to cook, perhaps you can try a different appliance or cooking technique. Is your goal to bring in extra income? Perhaps check into some of the small business models that are there for folks who are hoping to make some income on the side. Just figuring out what is available can be fun and rewarding.

One book I recommend for women who want to face their fears and do something new is Reshma Saujani’s “Brave Not Perfect.” The author founded the Girls Who Code nonprofit group after a failed attempt to run for office in New York. I stumbled upon her book last year and was rewarded with a book not that not only inspired me to make paintings for my office and start this blog, but encourage my daughter to follow her own dreams. (#Ad)

Getting past the fear of failure

We have all heard about Thomas Edison and how he made more than 10,000 versions of the light bulb before he succeeded in making one that worked. How about Dyson? It took him about 14 years, 5127 prototypes, and a mountain of debt to develop his vacuum cleaner? Or how Milton Hershey declared bankruptcy more than once in his quest to start his chocolate business. There are countless stories of great inventors and successful people who failed miserably. In fact, as Rachel Hollis (another motivational speaker whose message resonates with me) says, “You are not standing on top of a mountain of success, You are standing on top of a mountain of failures.” What she means is that we are not born being great at anything. It took failed attempts to learn how to do everything from eating and talking to crawling and walking. Without these failures, we had no way to learn from our experiences. So, if fear of failure is holding you back, here are some tips for learning to overcome that fear and try something new:

• Expect to fail. This is not meant to encourage you to be negative about your new experience. Instead, if it’s something that’s really new to you, just know you will likely not be the best at it at first. It’s a fact of life. We have to practice and learn things before we master them. If you expect that going in, it takes the pressure off.
• Go slowly. Figure out what new thing you want to try and what steps you’ll need to take to get there. If you want to become a runner, and you haven’t worked out in a while, perhaps you start by walking, then do some alternating walking with running before you try running your first mile. The same goes for picking up a new hobby like playing an instrument, writing stories, or doing artwork. Figure out what some things are you can do to start getting into this new activity and go one baby step at a time.
• Prepare. As much as you can tell yourself that failure is a natural part of eventual success, you want to be sure that you haven’t sabotaged yourself from the start by not giving yourself the tools you need to make a good effort at succeeding. So, if your new goal or activity requires a certain amount of time, resources or money, make sure you have what you need before you get started. Do your research so you can give it your best shot.
• Look for the lessons. Failure teaches lessons. It’s why a lot of creative and innovative people look forward to failing, especially when they start a new project. Most engineers will tell you that failing up front is a great way to learn as your mistakes will reveal your weaknesses, and those in turn will help you figure out where to put your efforts.
• Visualize future outcomes. There are a couple of visualization exercises I suggest, and together they may seem a little contradictory. First, imagine your end-goal & ultimate success. That’s the whole “keep your eyes on the prize” aspect of visualization. Remember that you can do this. Second, imagine yourself accepting things when they do not work out, picking yourself up, and trying again. You see, a successful person does both of these things- they know that failing is not the end, and they believe they will reach their goal.
• Plan it into your schedule. Whenever I decide to embark on something new, I make sure I know why I am trying it and how much time I plan to devote to it. Handlettering takes a few minutes each night to practice with a brush pen. I paint once a week, and I blog weekly as well with the goal of learning something new about the blogging world . You should add your new activity to your goal planner, but definitely include it in whatever system you use to plan out your week. That way you will guarantee your having time to work on it and make progress, which will motivate you to keep going.
• Relax. No one is automatically good at trying something new and no one is expecting you to be amazing out of the gate. Try to enjoy the journey- the figuring things out, trying something new, practicing a new skill– rather than stressing over the perfect outcome you want at the end of it.
• Celebrate the trying. This comes from advice I read about how to encourage your kids even when they don’t do as well as they wanted. When my kids go on an audition or try something new, we always celebrate the trying, regardless of the outcome. It’s not about getting a ribbon for just showing up but rather a recognition that showing up is a prerequisite to doing anything. As much as doing something well will keep you motivated, so can rewarding yourself for giving it a shot in the first place.

Another good book for pushing past your fears and just trying what you’ve always wanted to try is Rachel Hollis’ “Girl, Stop Apologizing.” This goal is specifically geared toward identifying your goals and getting in the mindset of achieving them. It also covers fear of failure, which holds so many of us back.

Giving up before you try is the worst feeling

Not everything we want in life is attainable. However, there are many things we can try that would improve our outlook, circumstances, health, and even finances if we had just taken the leap. As much as we fear failure, there is a greater thing to fear and that is the regret that comes with knowing you wanted to try something but for whatever reason did not do it. Figure out what that thing is (or those things are) for you before the chance to do them passes you by. As Jojo Moyes write in her novel, Me Before You, “You only get one life. It’s actually your duty to live it as fully as possible.”

So, what are you doing staring at this screen? Get out there and find something that stretches your mind, moves your body, and/or fills your soul. Then, no matter how it goes, celebrate the trying and treat yourself with grace and compassion. And, if you’ve found something that brings you joy, feel free to share it here by leaving a comment below. 👇

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