Hang in there Mamas. You’re doing just fine.

I know, I know. This title seems a bit out of season, doesn’t it? I realize it’s not Mother’s Day and there hasn’t been some major catastrophe or news event involving moms. But, as I look in the mirror this week and think about all of my mom friends, it seems like every mom I know is going through some sort of challenge. I don’t know if it’s because we are living in a tough time period for women or if I’m just being more observant, given my own challenges, but I see so many women gracefully handling more than they ever thought they would have to. And, because of that, this post was begging to be written.

Looking beyond the perfect FaceBook facade, it’s clear that moms today are facing some tough challenges.

I think each generation feels that the one before it had it easier and that the one ahead has no idea how difficult life can be. That is certainly where I’ve been this week. The amount of things on my proverbial plate seems to be growing, and I know I’m not alone. Today’s digital age often leaves us with more messages to respond to, activities for our kids, and stress for ourselves. Even after simplifying my life as much as I can (and I have let go of many things that used to occupy my schedule), there are just some things that I cannot clear off of my plate- the middle school we seem to be stuck in, my daughter’s seemingly untreatable medical condition, and my own struggles with physical pain, just to name a few.

We all have those times when we behave less than gracefully with ourselves and our families. It’s called being human.

I know I’m not the only mom who struggles with feelings of maternal inadequacy. Over the last few years, I have witnessed my friends’ strength as they overcome their own illnesses, their children’s medical conditions, divorces, career dilemmas, and a whole host of other issues. Moms usually handle their crazy lives with grace and conviction, despite moments of frustration and despair. Sadly, despite surviving their situations, they often feel like they could have done more or better. I’m not immune to this- I feel the same- wishing I were more, had more to give, or could just be more for those I love. I also have had my share of regrets over harsh words I’ve spoken, a sour mood I’ve been in, or losing my temper at a relatively small problem.

The shame of feeling our lives are less than perfect.

Unfortunately, many women feel like they’re not entitled to voice their motherly anxieties and frustrations. There is definitely pressure to be perfect or at least look like you are, especially on sites like Instagram or Facebook. Many moms I know feel ashamed to complain about their lives. I mean, for most of us, having a family was a dream come true- hard fought in whatever way it presented itself to us. Not everyone is given this privilege. Moreover, it seems downright ungrateful to vent about our difficulties when there is always someone who is having it worse. But, refusing to validate your experiences is no way to care for yourself. Just because “it could always be worse” does not mean that your experience is any less difficult for you. Honoring and acknowledging our difficulties is a way to release some of the tension we’re feeling and perhaps even find others to help us through tough times.

My 2020 word of the year is Grace, which I take to mean being compassionate and forgiving with ourselves, regardless of what we think we deserve.

This year’s word of the year is Grace. It is in my goal-setting planner and peppered throughout my office, including a gorgeous plaque (#Ad) one of my best friends sent me when she learned about my word (see photo above). That said, I have to be reminded to be gracious with myself- to be compassionate, patient, loving, and accepting all my many imperfections. And, given what I have seen in the amazing women who surround me each day, I want to share that grace with them and you.

A kind word to all the mamas who are struggling.

Knowing how hard it is to be a mom these days, I wanted to send a message to all moms and remind them of how extraordinary each and every one of them is. Here are just a few categories of moms I see around me who are absolute rock stars, despite their stressful lives. It’s by no means a comprehensive list, but I think the message applies to so many of us.

• Moms who care for sick kids, spouses, and loved ones. Having a daughter with chronic health issues, I know the worry you feel, day in and day out, for your loved one. You are a pillar of strength to those around you, even when you feel week, defeated, and faithless. Don’t be discouraged by how seemingly endless the illness or condition you’re dealing with seems to be or how powerless you feel when you wish you could make it go away but know you can’t. Know that even in your dark moments, you are not alone. What you are doing is so important to your family, and you are enough for them.
• Moms who are facing their own health scares or conditions. You have done so much for others and it may be time to let others care for you. None of us ever feels like we should be the priority in our own lives, but our own health concerns sometimes remind us that taking care of ourselves is as important as caring for those we love. Your need for self care does not make you less of a mom or a less valuable member of your family. Know that your getting better is important for you and those around you.
• Moms who work. Whether it be a job that requires a commute, working from home, or practically running things at your kids’ school because no one else can be counted on to do it, you are doing a great job! For many of us, being this kind of mom is not a choice but a necessity. Many days, you find meaning in what you do. On other days, you may feel stretched so thin you can hardly breathe. You will sometimes feel like you can do it all, while other times, you will swear you are about to fall apart. Even during those time when you feel like you’re giving only 10% to each aspect of your life, know that you’re not. You are doing the best you can and are an amazing role model to your kids.
• Single moms. My hats off to any mom who is doing the hardest job in the world on her own. You are not just mom, you are sometimes dad, cheerleader, coach, and everything in between. There is so much you have to shoulder and times when you wish you didn’t have to do so much on your own. Never doubt your strength or wonder if you are enough for your family. You are more than enough.
• Every other mom who is struggling in her own way. There is not a single woman who is a perfect mom or has not been challenged in some way when raising her kids. Remember, that as long as they are fed, have their basic necessities met, and know you love them, you are doing a great job!

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Being a mom is the toughest, most rewarding job in the world.

To every mom who feels like she’s burning the candle at both ends, has a short temper she wishes didn’t come out in front of the kids, or is completely running on empty, remember that being a mom is hard. Motherhood is the most difficult, beautiful, fun, exasperating, and heartbreaking job in the world. And, it’s like that for every mom, regardless of her circumstances. We are all human, and I often have to remind myself that not only will this pass, there will be a day when my 24/7 mom position will be more of a part-time gig with adult children who no longer require all the attention I currently give. Just remember to keep focusing on what’s important- loving yourself and them. Need to vent or have words of encouragement other moms would appreciate? Leave a comment below.

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