Book Review: Emily Ley’s “When Less Becomes More”
Another month, another book review! This month, I reviewed a book I’m embarrassed to admit that I’ve had in my collection for a while but had never read: “When Less Becomes More: Making Space for Slow, Simple and Good” by Emily Ley (#Ad).
And, while it has been a while since my last post, it was thanks to this book that I gave myself permission to take my time with this post. I was on vacation and that decision allowed me to prioritize time for rest and family.
If you have looked at some of my prior blog posts, you’ll see that I am a fan of Emily Ley’s planner products. I have used the Simplified Daily Planner (last review here) for several years now. My daughter has even gotten into the products, having gotten her second Simplified Student Planner for this school year (reviewed last month here).
I not only love their products; I love the philosophy behind the company. The focus on simplicity as a way to help women achieve a more fulfilling life is such a worthy goal. This is especially important now when women are overwhelmed with obligations, social media distractions, and the seeming expectation to be everything to everyone they know.
“When Less Becomes More” expands on this philosophy and provides some insights into ways that we can all slow down and clear some space in our lives that makes room for what is good. Below, I give a brief overview of the book, provide my personal takeaways, and touch on what were the likes and dislikes for this book selection.
Table of Contents
“When Less Becomes More:” An Overview
Emily Ley is a self-proclaimed organizer and simplifier (if that’s a thing, she’s it). “When Less Becomes More” is her third book, and it tackles the issue of why so many woman who have it all and do it all may nevertheless be unhappy and stressed.
Each chapter is a juxtaposition; she compares one thing to its opposite. Here are the chapter topics in order:
- Rush: Less Rush, More Rhythm
- Technology: Less Liking, More Loving
- Noise: Less Noise, More Calm
- Social Media: Less Distraction, More Connection
- Rest: Less Frenzy, More Soul Rest
- Wellness: Less Fake, More Real
- Faith: Less Fear, More Community
- Parenting: Less Great, More Good
- Chasing: Less Chasing, More Cherishing
- Home: Less Stuff, More Treasures
Each chapter is bookended with letters the author writes to her daughter, Caroline. Emily Ley explains that her hope is that her daughter will learn to live a slower, more relaxed, and more fulfilling life by learning from these lessons from her mom. These letters are incredibly sweet, and I feel like she has invited us into her family by including them in the book.
Personal Takeaways from “When Less Becomes More”
The book is broken down into 10 chapters. However, some of the chapters seem to focus on themes touched on in other chapters. So, for purposes of this review, I’ll be discussing the themes topically.
Rush
Although like so many of Ley’s books, this one also has a simplified theme, she takes a different approach. While in the past, her books offered suggestions meant to cut down on time spent on certain tasks to make room for other activities, this book recommends pairing down activities and obligations entirely. The goal is to stop feeling the need to run around from one thing to the next or keeping up with the Joneses, which adds to the stress and worry most women experience.
In this first chapter, Emily Ley reminds us that it’s okay to say no to some of the optional commitments that are filling up our weekly schedules. She also asks us to question whether our ability to do it all necessarily means we should do it all. These are hard questions, and ones that many women grapple with, but I appreciate her willingness to challenge what has become an accepted norm in our current culture: women feeling like they must have it all, even if it’s at the expense of their mental health.
Technology, Noise, and Social Media
For me, these three chapters are all just variations on the concept of noise. Emails, texting, smartphone apps, and social media are all different kinds of noise that work to divert us and steal our time from the things we could be doing for ourselves and with our loved ones.
Ley describes scenarios and encourages us to envision a world without technological distractions. In this world, we get to do things like read a book, listen to music, and interact with friends in person. The noise that technology brings includes the notifications on our phones, which act to grab our attention and keep us from living in the present world. In her chapter on noise, she helpfully provides tips for “quieting your digital life,” that range from turning off phone notifications to planning screen-free time into your day.
There is no greater noise in our digital lives than the noise of social media. Although most of us say that we use social media to stay connected with those we love, Emily Ley points out the ugly truth about our screen time- most of it is spent scrolling through social media looking for entertainment and distractions. Although there isn’t much social science research in this book, Ley points out that, like any addiction, social media scrolling gives us a dopamine boost. The brain releases this chemical which provides a feeling of gratification and pleasure. Of course, over time, we come to seek out more of the pleasure chemical, which means continuing the behavior that releases it. The time we spend on social media steals so much of our days- time that could be spent on more fulfilling and worthwhile activities. To combat this effect, she recommends a social media fast and permanently pairing down the apps and social media sites we frequent.
Rest
I will say that this is one of my worst habits- not getting enough rest. And, it seems that I’m not the only one. But, when Emily Ley refers to rest in this chapter, she is talking not just about getting adequate sleep but about something she calls, “soul rest.” This is basically doing activities that bring you joy and allow you to completely decompress.
While some self-care activities can help with this, Ley encourages the reader to think beyond bubble baths and getting your nails done. Instead, she recommends finding those things that you so enjoy doing that you lose track of time while doing them. I referred to this in an article I wrote a couple of years ago about hobbies. Ley is describing the act of caring for our limbic systems (the ancient part of our brains that stores our emotional resilience). By engage in “soul rest,” whether that be painting, drawing, reading, cooking, or whatever brings you joy, you help to disengage your stressed out mind and meet your own emotional needs.
Wellness
This is the chapter where Emily Ley focuses on how we treat our bodies. Are we getting enough sleep? How are we eating? What movement are we doing to strengthen our bodies? Using herself as an example, Ley explains how she decided to get a physical to get her on a better path. It was through bloodwork that she discovered her eating habits and lack of a fitness routine placed her in the prediabetic range.
This chapter has a lot of positive qualities that make it a good read for most women. First, Ley emphasizes that she wanted to feel “well.” She does not talk about wanting to lose weight or look a certain way. Instead, she talks about nourishing her body so she has more energy and starting an exercise routine with a trainer that helped her grow stronger. She even makes a point of noting that she wasn’t losing weight but instead could track her progress through her increased stamina.
Ley also pointed out that a busy, have-it-all schedule was further contributing to the poor eating habits and lack time for fitness that put her health at risk. This schedule also led her to indulge in things that are fast becoming socially acceptable drugs for women and moms: sugar, carbs, and wine.
I appreciated that Ley spent a good bit of time talking about how wine has become a socially acceptable anesthetic today. So many women joke about using wine for everything from unwinding from a long day to just being a mother. It’s a dangerous road for many and one we should all be aware of. Sugar and carbs are used in the same way, albeit they are in a different category than alcohol. Regardless, Ley describes her own journey in decreasing and cutting out these foods, and she encourages the reader to compile a self-care toolbox to turn to when stress may tempt us to reach for a less-than-healthy alternative.
Faith
If food and fitness noursish the body, faith nourishes the soul. Ley’s books are all published book by a Christian book publisher, but she reveals that she did not grow up attending church. Instead, her family instilled Christian values by discussing their faith and the bible. It was only later in life that Ley decided to find a faith community for herself and her family.
Regardless, her chapter on faith provides encouragement to anyone who is seeking to enrich their spiritual life. She notes that we are allow broken, but there is beauty within that. Because we are broken, we can allow something greater than ourselves to be our fixer. And, while there are no guarantees that the fix will be quick or even what we would have chosen for ourselves, all of the difficulties we go through can be used for good.
Goals
This is a topic I have written on extensively, and following Ley on social media, it is clear to me that she is a goal setter as well. Her chapter on “Less Chasing,” demonstrates a shift and points out that we don’t always have to be pushing for the next best thing. Instead, we can sit where we are right now and experience the achievements we have already made. This is a radical concept for many of us who feel that sitting still is practically moving backwards.
But, she has a point. Why even bother setting a goal if you are going to set it aside for something better the minute you achieve it? By inviting us to find satisfaction in the now, we can build confidence in ourselves, cherish what we have, and experience gratitude for how far we’ve come. And, as she implies, life is about creating goodness for the long term, not running around exhausted in the short term.
Parenting and Home
These two chapters seemed to be connected for me, and they are best stated by the comparison she makes for parenting: “More Good, Less Great.” This is perhaps the concept that most resonated with me. To sum it up, Emily Ley encourages us to let go of perfection (what we feel is great) and accept life with all of it’s beautiful and simple imperfections (what is good).
So much of these two chapters focus on decluttering. Whether it is cutting down on the toys in our kids rooms or the clutter in our homes, less is more when it comes to parenting and maintaining a household. With less stuff, there are fewer options to stress us, less to clean, and more time for just enjoying what we have.
Likes and Dislikes
So, as always, I like to provide my personal opinions on the pros and cons of the book, and for this one, there are very few cons.
Although this is much of the same advice (declutter, less social media, more time for yourself) that we hear from other sources, it is delivered in a generous and gentle way. Ley uses herself as an example throughout the book and does not hesitate to show her humanity on each page.
As I noted above, I love that she does not engage in fat-shaming when she talks about her wellness journey, nor does she judge her reader for doing the many things she has found to be unhelpful in her own life. I also loved her take on vices- sugar, carbs, and alcohol. She doesn’t judge the reader but points out how worrisome it is that we are using these substances to medicate our dissatisfaction with our daily lives.
Of course, as with all books in this genre, we need to take it with a grain of salt. Emily Ley has resources available to her that may not be an option for other women- the money to hire a personal trainer, the ability to change how she communicates with her staff (because she is a business owner and boss), and even her choice to relocate her family to a small town- they all are a privilege afforded to some but not all women. And, that privilege is often denied to those from low income and minority communities.
Aside from that criticism, I think this book is a worthwhile read and raises some legitimate questions we should be asking ourselves about how we spend our time, money, and energy.
Are there books you have found that have helped you to better prioritze how you fill your time and space? Leave a comment below!
